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Ask Joe & Larry
I have had some folks ask us questions about DIR... Since I am by no means an
expert in the field, I have only been diving for 30 years, and don't actually
wrap any hoses around my neck. We do sell 7' hoses, and I've seen Joe wrap a hose around a divers neck... But I think that's different. And I use a Zeagle
BC, and Apollo
Bio Fins, so I felt it was best to help people understand the concept
by reprinting a email I recently received, obviously from someone with
a lot more DIR experience than myself. This should help explain everything.
I converted to DIR about 6 months ago and I have
found that the philosophy extends way beyond diving. I think most people
tend to view DIR as a gear configuration or diving objective type of thing
but it really is a philosophy that you can use in other parts of your
life. For instance, below are just some of the ways I've extended the
DIR way of doing things into other areas of my life.
Last week some of my buddies came over to my house. Now, not all of them
are divers but they do understand the DIR philosophy. So, first off, we
all drink the same beer. This avoids any situations where you might be
enjoying a lager and accidentally pick up an ale (or the other way around).
That can be very uncool. That could quickly lead to a panic situation
so we avoid it all together.
We also drink only from cans, no bottles. And we never put the beer in
the refrigerator. It always goes in the ice chest in my living room. 47%
of Drinking Related Incidents (DRI) occur when someone is going to the
fridge for another beer so better to be safe than sorry. Of course, this
is all rigged up while we're still 100% sober so there's no impaired judgment
once things get cooking.
All of us wear a bungee necklace with a full beer on it just in case someone
experiences an Out Of Beer (OOB) emergency. I can offer my already opened
beer to my buddy and simply reach down and grab the backup off my beer
necklace. And, without exception, we always use the 7 foot hose on the
beer bong.
Of course, we don't stay in every night so when we do decide to go out
we make sure we're still DIR. All of us wear exactly the same clothing:
- Levi's 501 Jeans (button hole, straight leg)
- Gap Black T-Shirt
- Haynes boxer shorts, black
- Gold Toe socks, black
- Kenneth Cole shoes, Brad Pitt style
- G-Shock watch, black band
- Nylon belt, black, with military buckle
- Black Leather Jacket (optional, depending
on weather conditions)
This may sound a bit silly or overdone but believe
me, when you're penetrating a night club, knowing exactly what you buddies
are dressed like can make all the difference in the world if you're hoping
to snag some hottie. Let's say I see some cutie and just before I get
up to go talk to her a waitress spills a drink in my lap? No problem,
because I can always swap pants with my buddy. I don't have to worry if
they match, because I know he's wearing Levi's 501's. Bam, swap pants
and I can still complete my objective.
Editors note: Although not specified in this email
I received, I believe it is important for each person to have the T-Shirt
in size XL and the pants in 34 waist, and 34 inseam, shoes size 10 - independent
of your actual size.. Keeping this standardized will make sure we all
know exactly what our DIR friends have on.
One thing to keep in mind about night clubs is that you seldom want to
penetrate a club on beer. I know, some of the macho jerks do this and
brag to all of their buddies but believe me, it's not DIR. You have to
do it on mixed drinks. Obviously the mix will be different on different
nights but a good vodka tonic mix is pretty standard. Again, there's a
right way and a wrong way to do this. You can't just order any old vodka
or depend on some bartender to get the mix right. That's what the strokes
do. No, you order Stoli vodka which has an excellent reputation in the
DIR partying community. The correct blend is 2oz Stoli with tonic water
poured over ice in a highball glass (lemon or lime optional). I always
bring a testing kit with me and if the blend is off, I send it back. It's
just not worth the risk and it's not DIR.
So you penetrate the night club and you've got a good mix, now it's time
to meet the ladies. I should have said this earlier but watch your drink
consumption. It's a well known fact that women look 25% - 30% better in
a night club and if you get all narc'd up on vodka tonic, it increases
your chances of a coyote ugly blackout. You have to keep your wits about
you.
If it's early, you probably have pretty good viz. Later in the evening
when the smoke silts up the room it'll be harder to make out the women
on the other side of the club so get your headings early. On a few occasions
I've had to bust out the wreck reel just to get to the bathroom and back.
If you are lucky enough to hook up with a nice hottie, this is when doing
it right really can pay off. Now, let's face it, there's a certain degree
of danger involved here that I don't want to downplay. You need to minimize
your risks by using the proper equipment. I carry 2 condoms. One I put
on . . . well you know, and the second I put on a bungee that goes around
my waist. If there's a malfunction on my primary, I can quickly go to
my backup without hardly skipping a beat.
So, as you can see from these pretty basic examples, DIR is not just for
diving. It's something you can use in all areas of your life.
Keep it real,
DIR Dork
Click Here to view the Question Archive.
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